There is not a person in this world who hasn’t experienced some kind of loss. There are probably thousands of people going through a painful ending of a cherished relationship, grieving the loss of a loved one, attempting to wrap their mind around the fact they’ve been betrayed by a dear friend. All of these or similar scenarios can lead us to a dark place, a place filled with bitterness, resentment, cynicism and in some cases hopelessness and loss of faith in love. Some people begin to think that love isn’t real, others that it’s not in the cards for them, and those in the darkest place, that they’re not even worth it. If your heart is in any of these places, the first thing you need to know is that you are not alone. Every single human being in this world has experienced doubt, especially when it comes to love. Deep down, however, you already know that this isn’t a place you want to permanently be in, you just need to be jolted out of this emotional version of a coma and be reminded of what real love is and how to not only love again but let yourself be loved. It’s time to let go of all the baggage and live.
Denial is no friend of yours
Bottling and suppressing your negative emotions and acting as if everything was OK is never beneficial for you. Superficial distractors like shopping or food are just that – momentary distractions, and as soon as you’re done with them, your negativity will resurface. In order to let go of the pain, you need to acknowledge the traumatic event and face it. Darek Chopra MD provides a wonderful list of comprehensive steps that will help you immensely when dealing with negative emotions. You need to recall the specific moment, identify it, and even put pen to paper describing it in full, and not only from your perspective, but also from that of the person who caused you pain. Finally write a third version, one from the point of view of a third person. This version should be as objective as possible. Once this is finished, you will come to realize that the process of writing itself was quite liberating, and the liberation doesn’t even stop there.
Let it go
When you’re ready to read all three accounts to someone else, call the people your trust. If there aren’t many with whom you’re willing to share it, a single trustworthy friend or a family member will do. Once the experience has been shared, you will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders, and then in order to finalize your release, burn all three versions, bury them in the ground, or just set them free. This ritual of getting rid of the physical proof of your pain is a cathartic experience, one that liberates you from within. Then, go and celebrate your liberation.
Get out in the world
Once you’ve faced your trauma and processed it, it’s time to move on and never look back. Whatever happened is in the past, the person or people in question are in the past, and you are here, so live your life and be present. This is the time to turn a new leaf, forget all about the previous disappointments and get back into the swing of things. With your new, positive attitude, learning how to get over someone won’t be as challenging as you might think. All you have to do is work on yourself and remember that you are a loving, kind, funny and interesting person with so much to offer. Bring your wit and your confidence when you go out. If you’re brimming with positivity and exude that warm and inviting energy, believe it or not, people will pick up on that.
The most important of them all
Never ever stop loving yourself. You will never be able to accept and feel the love of others if you have a wall around yourself – and the wall we’re talking about is one built with negative perceptions of yourself. Loving one’s self is a life-long continuous process – it should never cease, not even for a minute. List all the things that make you wonderful – your sense of humor, your organization skills, your incredible amount of empathy – every positive trait you can think of, put it on a list and keep it with you always. It will help remind you who you are in moments of doubt. Love the mistakes you made, own them, own the fact that you’re not perfect and bear in mind that no one is. We are all flawed, but flaws are the best part. Those little marks and scars make us extraordinary. Having hobbies and interests builds you up and boosts your confidence and self-worth, so get out there, try new things and live. You might get hurt again, but that’s all part of life. You know the saying – “ten thousand joys and the ten thousand sorrows”. The universe never gives us more than we can handle, but it always rewards us with the amount of happiness we deserve. You just need to open up and believe.
Do you have any experiences you would love to share,or questions to ask? I would love to hear and will be replying and to everyone of you. So, do leave a comment
This article is a featured guest post curated and written by my dear friend and contributor Lifestyle Writer, Peter Minkoff of High Style Life.The content is specially written for www.howeydon.com.
